Awesomeness

Today has been great! We went to the park (though not for long with all the rain) and then off to the bookstore. We were in the bookstore for almost an hour! And the kids were so so so good. They didn't whine. They didn't touch (much) everything they saw. They looked at a few things, especially in the kid section, but there's nothing wrong with that. They were quiet. They stayed with me. They didn't fight with each other. Oh my word it was wonderful. Granted we only found 1 of the 3 or 4 things I was looking for, but WHO CARES?!?! Love it dudes. Love it.

I've been trying to come up with more things for the kids, Isabel in particular, to do. I found her a kid's sudoku book, which she just loves. And I'm going to pick up some workbooks. She definitely needs more stimulation. And we have a deal that if their room is clean, we can do a craft every afternoon. Don't know what all we'll do, but we'll come up with something. But they're getting along better, and I'm trying to make sure I enjoy that time with them. It's so much harder than it sounds! But all I can do is work on it, right? Right.

Peace.

Ending the Day

The second half of today went so much better. The kids actually cleaned their room. I asked the kids to help with supper. Usually they ask and I say no, so this was a wonderful change! We had so much fun, even though it only took like 10 min. We laughed and had a good time basically the rest of the evening. Isabel and I even did some stretches before bed. She wants to take a dance class this fall, and she certainly got her flexibility from Dave, not me. lol Poor kid can't even touch her toes.

Rage

Two days in a row now Isabel has had one of her rages. I used to refer to them as breakdowns, but today it occurred to me that she's raging, not just emotional. She bites, hits, scratches, kicks, punches... you name it. And always over something minute. It's so hard to deal with. It's so hard to stay calm and wait it out. But I have to physically restrain her until she wears herself down. I try to keep myself calm, and keep my touch as light as possible, but it's SO hard. I just don't know what to do with this girl. Most of the time, she is so wonderful. I don't get it! I used to yell at her a lot more, and she got more spankings than she certainly ever deserved, so I can't help but know that I have at least contributed to this, if not caused it. Whether through genetics or example, she gets it from me. And I have to live with that. I've gotten much much much better at controlling my temper, but she's just a little girl. I don't know how to now teach her to get control back when she's losing it. I'm considering taking her to a specialist maybe. Just a thought I had today if it doesn't get better. I don't think she's ever done it two days in a row. Yesterday the tirade lasted for a good 45 min. Today was only about 20. *sigh* But now she's happy as a clam. So no permanent damage done.

I don't know what I did to deserve these kids. I've definitely been harder on Isabel than on the others. I'm trying to fix that, but it's really hard. I wonder if all she's going to remember of me when she gets older is me yelling or telling her to clean. I'm trying to remember the fun. Trying to remember to have fun things for them to do. I stink at this game.

Peace.

Laughter

Dave and I have occasional night when we just crack each other up. It's always when we're getting ready for bed, and we should be 'keeping it down.' Lately it's been happening more often. I love it! It's so fun to laugh with my husband about silly things. It's such good proof that we are great friends, and just good together in every way. I love a good laugh anyway, and laughing with him is the best kind of laughing. Once you get me started though... it's hard to make me stop. =D

What started us off last night? I have cleaned out our bedroom of all the junk (mostly toys the kids have brought in) and last night I commented on how much bigger our room looks when it's clean. Dave's response: You could break dance in here. HAHAHAHAHA Cracked me up. Lame-o dudes, but so funny at the time. Gosh I love that man!

I'm BACK!

I'm back, and not just back in the blogging sense. I feel like I'm hitting my stride again. I don't know what's been with me the last few months, but it hasn't been good. After Alex was born, life didn't really change much. But somewhere in Jan/Feb, I started floundering. Big time. I have been forgetful, extra lazy (which is saying something) and my depression started creeping back in on me. Yes. I said it. Depression. Me. Yup, you read correctly. But as I've been fighting it back, it's only been the last week or two that I've started winning the battle again.

My house is actually clean. Most of the time even. Well, the basics are done, but I've been hitting the extras, like clutter and all that stuff that builds up, and it's all slowly shaping up. It feels so good. I like when I'm productive. I like ME a lot more when I'm productive. And that makes a world of difference.

I went for my very first outside, no-treadmill-in-sight, run the other day, too. It felt so so so good. I probably only did a little more than a mile, but it's a pretty good start, I'd say. And I was so crabby before I left, and afterward I was in a much better mood. Everybody wins! Now if I could just find a way to eat less, maybe I would start to like what I see in the mirror. *ugh* Though I really love my new snazzy haircut. Little things like that go a long way in making this crazy lady feel better.

So, here's to being more productive, feeling better, and just living life.

And thanks to Karissa for reminding me that I need to get back to this journal/blog thingy. I've been meaning to, but she's the reason I'm actually doing.