Sunday, January 31, 2010

Good times...

Oh my goodness did I have a good time this last week. I got to go to a yummy restaurant with some girlfriends and then I got to celebrate the 3rd birthday of MOM. Totally awesome. =) And THEN I went with some friends to a karaoke bar after the party. That was a super good time. I miss getting to go dance and all that like we did in college. So I really enjoyed myself. Made a fool of myself, too, but that' nothing new. And I'm pretty sure the only reason I was invited was because I had given one of the ladies there a ride to the party, and she wasn't sure how to tell me she didn't need a ride home because she wasn't going home, etc. But I had fun anyway. =) I'm trying force myself into more situations that typically make me uncomfortable and self-conscious. It's really hard sometimes, but I think it's important to do. So I went. I laughed. I danced (poorly). I just had a good time.

I didn't get up and sing (which is perfectly okay because I'm a lousy singer) but I keep hearing songs and thinking how fun they would be to hear at a karaoke bar. And maybe one day I'll even sing one of them... as long as I have some friends join me. Seriously. I'm BAD at singing.

So there ya go. I hope this week is as fun as last week was. =)


Sunday, January 24, 2010

My "Fit"

So yesterday I was chatting with a friend about how we moms can very easily lose ourselves as we become Mom. And we talked about the things you can do to reconnect with yourself. Finding your style, making your health/fitness a priority, finding hobbies, and most importantly, finding friends. Our girlfriends can be our life-line when we're sinking down into the motherhood vortex. Some women don't ever seem to have a problem with knowing who they are and what they need to stay sane and happy. Others of us don't have it so easy. And, of course, there are several different levels of disconnect.

So friends can be our saviors. (and our husbands, but honestly I think girlfriends help more) I have come a long way with finding who I am, but I still have so so far to go. I'm much happier than I once was. But it's still a struggle.

For the most part, I get along with pretty much everyone. But here's the problem. I have never in my life felt like I 'fit' anywhere. I don't have best friends. Mostly what I have are acquaintances. People that I enjoy being around, and seem enjoy my company. But they are not people that seek me out for the extra little things. Granted, part of that is my own fault, as I don't ask people to join me in things. But that's only because of that little bitty hidden part of my personality that I'm pretty sure very few people even see in me. I am very self-conscious and typically assume that people are nice to me only because they have to be. So it sort of feeds itself. I drive myself crazy. It's a very lonely world when you feel as though people only pretend to like you. And really, how do you know for sure that someone does enjoy being around you?

And it's because of this issue about not fitting in that I have been contemplating leaving my position (well, 3 positions) with MOM. It would break my heart to do it, but I can't help but wonder if they wouldn't be glad to see me gone. I've thought about this for a long time, but I haven't been able to come up with a solution. I would really like to someday have a group of friends that I 'fit' with. Maybe someday.

So I wonder how everyone else defines "friend" I think I have a different definition than most people. I think what most people consider a best friend is what I think of as just a regular friend. I can only think of one person that I would consider a best friend. But a friend is someone you can talk to about pretty much everything. They know a lot about you, they put effort into the friendship, they read between the lines and notice when you're struggling. Things like that.

Ugh! I hate when the big "D" sneaks up on me. It's so hard to fight your way out of it. Even being aware of it doesn't help. Maybe it's the lack of sunshine.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Changing it up...

Today I am NOT going to discuss boot camp (which kicked my ass on Monday) Nope. Today I'm going to branch back out into something that has nothing to do with fitness. The anticipation is giving you tingles, isn't it?

Now. Anyone have a topic? Oh, I guess I should have thought of that BEFORE I started this, eh? Oh well. We'll just improvise. I'm good at improv. But, my dear friends, are YOU?

So I guess this is going to be a 'freewrite' We used to do those in Soph English in HS. (WOW I'm lame) Basically a freewrite is, well, writing without rules. You're supposed to just write and if you get stuck you're supposed to write about being stuck until something pops into your head. You're also not supposed to use punctuation, but I just can't tolerate that, so I'm going to bend the rules a little. Hope you don't mind. And please, please, don't tell Mrs. B. Thanks.

I've been thinking about writing again lately. I've wanted to be a writer for a long time. So I thought to myself tonight that maybe I should write in my blog more. Maybe that will get the juices flowing. Maybe. It's not really working so far. hehehe Instead I'm just rambling away. I get the strangest urges to do things like writing sometimes. I don't know why. I'm not good at it. I get the urge to go take pictures, draw, cook a fancy meal, etc. It's very strange, and definitely sporadic. Maybe there's some creative part of me that's trying to break out. The walls are pretty thick though. LOL Seriously, I fail at ALL of these things. And all the others I try. Lame-o dudes. LAME-O.

Maybe I should just take classes in one of them? But that would mean picking something and sticking with it long enough to make it worthwhile. Yeah, that's not likely. Not likely at all. Sticking with something is something else I'm not so good at. =D

I better end it with that. I don't see this having a 'high' point to end on, so... *shrug*

Later, yo. Peace.