The Life of Beek

The Right Decision

2011-09-15T06:21:00.000-07:00

Last night, Dave was going to a baseball game that he won tickets to at work. He called and said he was going to grab a bite to eat with his buddies before they went. That's cool. No problem. My first thought after I got off the phone with him was "Maybe the kids and I can go out to eat, too."

*sigh*

But we're trying to not really eat out, and trying to save money. We're getting close to paying off everything but our mortgage, so now is not the time to start spending money on the fun stuff. So I made myself cook. I really really didn't want to. My plans for dinner did NOT sound good to me at all. But I cooked anyway. I tell you, that was a hard decision to make. But it was the right decision. (Man I hate that) So, while I know it was by no means a life-changing event, I'm still semi-proud of myself for not giving in to what I REALLY wanted to do. (Taco Bell and the Mt. Dew that goes with sounded really fantastic)

And it turns out that my hubby and his buddies didn't go out to eat after all. So when he got home to change, he got to eat dinner with us.

I guess God was giving me props for making the right decision. =)

Saturday's Agenda

2011-06-18T07:07:00.000-07:00

Dishes. Really need to do dishes.
Laundry.
Work.
Meet to plan a wedding shower.
Work.
Cook.
More dishes.
More laundry.
Make some sort of something for Father's Day.

Sounds fun, doesn't it?

Today's To-Do

2011-06-15T05:36:00.000-07:00

So I found out last night that my uncle might be "dropping" by today (it's a 1200 mi drive, so maybe it'll be tomorrow that he gets here). Crap. My house. Is. A. MESS. So here I sit, not quite in a panic, but nearly. Today's agenda: CLEAN my house! I know, I know. That's a little vague. But it can't be helped. I don't have time to list everything individually. ;) So I'm off. Wish me luck.

Back to the To-Do List

2011-06-12T11:09:00.000-07:00

I've decided to get back to the daily to-do list. I think I'm a lot more efficient when I have a list to check things off of. (I hope I'm not the only one that puts things on the to-do list that have already been done, just so they can be crossed off) I have a lot to get done in the next week and a half, so I really need to be more efficient. Hopefully this will help. I NEED it to help, Dudes. Seriously. I fail lately. And if I'm getting things done more efficiently, then there's more time for the fun things in life, and boy do my kids need some more fun in their lives. I'm ready. I'm quite sure they're ready. Let's do this thing! (don't remember where that quote is from, but it fits quite nicely, don't you think?)

I think that if I'm going to become more efficient, I'm going to have to set myself some limits. Particularly with internet usage. I'm going to give the timer method a go. Set the timer, and I have to get everything done in that time or it waits until tomorrow. Yikes. That's going to be a little tough. It's so easy to get sucked into the computer and all it's secrets for, like, hours. Yeesh. That's not happy. I'm not sure yet what my limit will be. I DO have some things that HAVE to get done, so I need to leave enough time for those things, but not too much more. Hmm.... I guess it'll take some trial and error to figure out a good amount of time. But hopefully it'll help me like I'm hoping it will. We shall see. Let the games begin.

One More Thing

2011-05-11T14:23:00.000-07:00

So, TMN (TheMommiesNetwork, for those of you lame enough to NOT know ;) ) is always looking for more bloggers. I've thought about it before. I always remind myself how inconsistent I am, and forgetful, and lazy, and BUSY. But here I am, thinking about doing it again. And I only post on my own personal blog (which I'm sure not many of you are going to actually read) every once in a while. So I probably shouldn't do it. But I DO like to write, though I am not nearly as witty as Miss R. or as sarcastic as Miss M. I'm probably a pretty lousy writer (It's so hard to judge myself). But I'm still thinking about it. I am my own worst enemy. *sigh* Sometimes (okay, maybe all the time) I wish I had someone that would just make my decisions for me. Anyone want the job?

I drive myself crazy. So I hate to think what I do to the rest of you... (please keep your answers to yourself)

April Challenge

2011-04-04T06:53:00.000-07:00

Most of you already know this, but I have issued myself a challenge. And y'all know I can't turn down a challenge. I've committed myself to getting up before the rest of the fam. to get a workout in. I'm still trying to hit the gym every day that I can, too, so 3-5 days a week, I'm exercising twice!

I had to miss the 2nd (craft fair... I was already getting up too early) so I started a day early. So far I'm 4 for 4. I'm always glad that I got up early. The day usually seems to go a bit better. But the getting up part is REALLY hard. I have trouble getting up at 7, so getting up at 6 is killer. I know, I know.... other people get up that early, or earlier, all the time. I'm lame. I can't help it. ;)

I really hope that by the end of April I will be more in the habit of getting up earlier, so it'll get easier. I hope. It'll totally get easier, right? Right. That's what I thought.

Yikes.

Funny Kids

2011-01-21T05:59:00.001-08:00

My kids crack me up. Let me tell ya. They are so stinkin' funny. I have no idea where they get their goofiness. Must be from Dave... (are you picking up the sarcasm that I'm putting down?) On Saturday, I had been gone most of the day. When I came home, the first thing I saw was Nathan rocking out on his paper jams guitar. He was wearing his favorite shirt, a green dress shirt. It was totally unbuttoned. His hair was spiked. It was SOOOO funny. So I put the groceries away like a good little housewife, grabbed the camera, and took my place in the audience.

This is one good lookin' kid. I think I'm in trouble when he hits Jr High and High School...

Isabel opted to lecture (imagine that) rather than put on a concert when it was her turn. She has decided that the whole family will take turns caring for her tiny stuffed penguin. One week at a time. She wrote down what needs to happen daily. VERY thorough instructions. It's what she does...

Bringing out the goofy side of her lecture...

THEN it was Alex's turn. He of course started to throw a tantrum because he wanted to play Nate's guitar. But we convinced him to use his own, and Rock he did. He's even got the rocker stance down. Try to ignore Isabel... she dashed into the picture. (I'm rolling my eyes, so you can too...)

What a family. It was quite the "show" Too bad you missed it. ;)

Whew!

2010-04-12T08:55:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm going to get back in gear with this blogging thing. Life got really crazy the past few weeks and it just didn't happen. Rats. Oh well.

I am really looking forward to this week. I'm really in the mood to clean this house up! So far today I have already cleaned up most of I and N's room... dug everything out from under dressers and from under the bed, things like that. Awesome. Feels good already!

A has taken it upon himself to clean out the hallway closet. As in he has pulled out just about every game we own and dumped them on the floor. Oh well... I needed to clean that closet up anyway. Now I just need to find a way to lock those doors so he can't do it all over again once I get it cleaned up. Cleaning it up will be rather interesting, too, since the closet is directly across the hallway from his door. So we'll see if he gets a nap today. Ugh.

Gonna wash the walls this week, too, and keep up on laundry, dishes, and bathrooms. I really need to steam clean my carpets, but I'm not sure if that will happen this week or not. Hopefully... but not likely.

And thankfully my foot is starting to feel better. It still hurts when I walk on it a lot, but mostly it's just achy. (is that how you spell that? it looks funny)

So, all in all, life is looking good!

Rock on.

Peace out, dudes.

Rock On

2010-03-24T05:54:00.000-07:00

3 days in a row now I have gotten my fat ass up by 6 to exercise. OH. MY. WORD. Sooooooo tired. I know plenty of people get up that early if not earlier for whatever reason, but man alive do I miss that extra 30-45 minutes of sleep. Holy Moley. (dude, how the hell do you spell that?)

***Please excuse the swearing. Apparently losing sleep makes my IQ go down and my need to swear go up***

I'm so dang glad that I have made myself get up. Though I was going to Turbo Jam it up this morning, our DVD player isn't working so I just did Just Dance. Which is fine by me, cause man that shit is fun. (see, there I go again) I'm so glad that no one has ever filmed me playing that game. I'm sure I look like a bigger freak than usual. But that can't be helped. If you haven't tried it, I highly recommend it. Especially with a friend or two or three. The calories burned by laughing alone makes it worth it.

Okay. So. Spring cleaning. Over the last two days I have gotten out ALL of the kids' clothes. I have culled out the ones to donate and throw away. I have sorted them according to size and gender. And I have boxed and labeled. Sadly, I can't find my duct tape so I'm not sure that the boxes are going to stay closed, but it's close enough, right? Right. That's what I thought, too. Now I have to get it all put back somewhere. Great. Though it'll be nice to get my living room back.

Unfortunately, when I do projects like this one, the rest of my house goes down the shitter. About the only thing I have kept up on is the dishes. A person needs plates and glasses and forks and such to eat, so they must be done. And dishes these days take longer to clean up. Wanna know why? Our dishwasher is leaking. Awesome. So... I had to go out and buy one of those dish drying rack thingys (bought 2, actually) and the kids and I have been washing all of our dishes by hand. Most of the time I don't think it's too big of a deal. It would be easier if Alex didn't feel the need to help. But there's no stopping a 1yo when he's got his mind set on something. Well, short of putting him in a straight jacket and locking him in his room. And I just can't ever seem to find a straight jacket in his size. Maybe I should check craigslist.

Okay. So my goals for today (drum roll please):

Put these blasted boxes of clothes away
Laundry
Dishes
Sweep AND Mop
Maybe bathrooms
Clear out some kitchen clutter
Go for a run

Not sure that all of that will happen, but as long as I cross some of them off, I'll be happy. Cause seriously dudes, I am TIRED. *sigh*

Peace out, friends. Thanks for reading. =D

Back to it

2010-03-22T05:30:00.000-07:00

I actually got my butt up this morning to exercise. Finally. It was really fun. I'm soooo tired, but it was totally worth it. Rock on.

Today I'm going to start going through ALL of the kids' clothes. Heaven help me. I used to try to sort through them when I pulled them out of their drawers for good. Then I just started shoving it all in boxes as I pulled it out. So. I have a lot of work to do. It'll be nice to clear up a little bit of space though. I still have to save a lot of it for passing on to my brother and sister, but I'm sure some of it can go. =D

So today I will be focusing on that, plus doing some laundry and dishes. I don't think I'll worry about much else.

Yay for spring cleaning!

Anniversary Lameness

2010-03-16T06:10:00.000-07:00

So.... yesterday was our 7th anniversary. Woot! Which is why I didn't blog about my cleaning plans. I didn't have any. =D We didn't really do much, which is just fine with me. It's was nice and low-key. The best part of the day was bed time (and no, not for those reasons, thanks to Aunt Flo) but Dave had sneaked a present into my pillow case. (this is definitely where the lameness begins) So I was prepared to give Nathan a talkin-to in the morning for hiding something of his in my pillow but when I pulled it out I just started LAUGHING. Dave totally bought me a topsy-turvy. ROCK ON! I really wanted one (I want a few more, actually) so this was awesome. Totally. Good job, Dave!

Yes. Lame. I know. But happy and funny lame.

Okay, so for cleaning today... I pretty much have to do the whole upstairs. We have a friend coming over for supper. So bathrooms, sweeping, vacuuming, dishes, plus lots of laundry. Sweet. *sigh*

Later dudes.

Yesterday

2010-03-13T06:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday went pretty darn well. I didn't get to my room, but I got a couple of other things done. I ran an errand for Dave before I went for my run. My run felt SO good. I didn't get all "meh" in the middle like I sometimes do. Ran a solid 2 mi. which isn't bad for my third run in 2 weeks. I'm really trying to get back into a groove. Maybe I will finally start to lose some of this fat! Wouldn't that be awesome? Heck yeah! Maybe I will no longer be asked when my baby is due. That would definitely be happy. =)

So for cleaning, I think I got to everything other than my room. I swept/mopped, did the kids' bathroom (didn't get to mine), dishes, laundry (got 2 loads folded and put away) and I vacuumed. Awesome.

Nate and I played the Wii for almost an hour together. That's always a blast. He totally beat me a bowling. I accidentally beat him at baseball. I felt really bad. I didn't mean to! We did a connect-the-dot, too. Nate really needs to work on his coloring/writing skills.

So, overall, a pretty good day.

Oh, and Dave took us out to eat, and then we went to family swim. Totally awesome!!!

Peace.

3/12

2010-03-12T04:43:00.000-08:00

Goodness I hate when I don't sleep well. I'm rather proud of myself for getting up earlier than I "had" to this morning. =) Yay me.

Okay. So what should I do today? I have no idea...

Maybe I'll start with the basics. Fridays have lots of basic cleaning anyway so I don't know if I'll manage to add any extras, but I'll try.

Sweep/Mop
Vacuum
Dishes
Laundry
Bathrooms

Yuck. I hate bathrooms.

Work on my room some more

That might be about it.

Some non-cleaning goals would be good for today, too, though.

Run at the Y
Play some games with Nathan
Family swim! (assuming that Dave gets home in time)

I sure hope I can get everything done. =) And maybe even in a timely fashion. Though that might be pushing it...

Later, dudes. I really wish I could go crawl back into bed. *sigh*

Peace.

Here We Go!

2010-03-11T04:41:00.000-08:00

Good Morning World! *yawn*

Okay, so I'm not up very early, but it's still earlier than usual. So in my book that = mission accomplished. Sweet.

*yawn*

It's times like these that I wish I was a coffee drinker. Oh well.

Okay, so what am I going to get done today?

Sweeping
Dishes
Laundry
Make a list of spring cleaning fun
Clean my room!!! (it's messy... yuck)

Okay. I think that's an okay list. Mostly the basics that I would probably do anyway. But I've got a couple of extras on there. Sounds good. See you tonight!

*yawn*

A New Game Plan

2010-03-10T13:56:00.001-08:00

Okay, so the first thing you need to know before I even get to the game plan part is that I am the QUEEN of lack-of-follow-through. I'm not kidding. I really really stink at following through on anything. Okay. Now to the important part.

The Game Plan:
~Get up earlier and post a bloggy about my goals for the day.
~Work on my goals.
~Post another bloggy or at least a comment at the end of the day letting the world know what I did or did not accomplish.

Awesome.

So now you are asking... "Why are you doing this?" I know you are. I can already tell that you're hanging on my every word. I hope you're not hoping to be blown away... cause it ain't gonna happen friends. I, however, feel much more content now that I have my little game plan.

Okay, so why I'm doing this. #1 is to blog more. I enjoy sitting and writing, and this will give me a topic without any effort whatsoever on my part. #2 is that I am EXTREMELY lazy. I am trying to improve on that. I need to get more done. Plain and simple. And that would in-turn lead to me being a better mommy/wife, which is super super important. Cause I kind of stink at the whole mommy thing. #3 is so that if any of you happen to randomly read one of my blogs with what I'm going to do that day, then you can totally call me on it via facebook or whatever.

Sweet.

I'm excited.

Now, before any of you jump in with a "you're not that lazy" or "You don't stink at the mommy thing" which we moms all automatically do when someone points out one of their faults, let me explain a little further. I believe very strongly that it is super-extra-important to be aware of our shortcomings. Not to dwell on them, but to improve on them. I know too many people that are too okay with how they are now. There's ALWAYS something that you can improve on. I think that the moment you are content with who you are is when you have to start all over. Okay, so maybe that's a little harsh, but you get the picture.

None of you knew me when Isabel was little. I can promise you that I was horrible as a mother, wife and housekeeper. Really. There's no excuse. I have had some people try to give me that "young" excuse, but I refuse it. Seriously. The way I was was not okay. I was very depressed, but I feel like mostly it was poor choices and trying to avoid reality. So. I have come a LONG way. My house is still cluttered, but it's not as dirty as it used to be. Nate watches too much TV so that I can sit on my lazy butt, but not as much as Isabel watched when she was his age. I feel like I put truth to my faults and because I did that I have been able to make changes. They have been small changes, but I have gradually become much better at all of them. I still have so far to go, though! Depression is always kind of lingering and trying to move in again. I have good days and bad days with everything. But I just want to take the next steps.

Now... if only I could find some good parts about myself to also focus on! lol I fail at that part, dudes. It's good to find things that are good about yourself. It's MUCH easier to find the bad stuff. *sigh* If any of you figure out the secret to that, please let me know. ;)

So... here's to follow-through! I hope I can pull it off. And blow you away with my awesomeness.

Rock.

Peace out.

Good times...

2010-01-31T11:17:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness did I have a good time this last week. I got to go to a yummy restaurant with some girlfriends and then I got to celebrate the 3rd birthday of MOM. Totally awesome. =) And THEN I went with some friends to a karaoke bar after the party. That was a super good time. I miss getting to go dance and all that like we did in college. So I really enjoyed myself. Made a fool of myself, too, but that' nothing new. And I'm pretty sure the only reason I was invited was because I had given one of the ladies there a ride to the party, and she wasn't sure how to tell me she didn't need a ride home because she wasn't going home, etc. But I had fun anyway. =) I'm trying force myself into more situations that typically make me uncomfortable and self-conscious. It's really hard sometimes, but I think it's important to do. So I went. I laughed. I danced (poorly). I just had a good time.

I didn't get up and sing (which is perfectly okay because I'm a lousy singer) but I keep hearing songs and thinking how fun they would be to hear at a karaoke bar. And maybe one day I'll even sing one of them... as long as I have some friends join me. Seriously. I'm BAD at singing.

So there ya go. I hope this week is as fun as last week was. =)

Peace.

My "Fit"

2010-01-24T13:15:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I was chatting with a friend about how we moms can very easily lose ourselves as we become Mom. And we talked about the things you can do to reconnect with yourself. Finding your style, making your health/fitness a priority, finding hobbies, and most importantly, finding friends. Our girlfriends can be our life-line when we're sinking down into the motherhood vortex. Some women don't ever seem to have a problem with knowing who they are and what they need to stay sane and happy. Others of us don't have it so easy. And, of course, there are several different levels of disconnect.

So friends can be our saviors. (and our husbands, but honestly I think girlfriends help more) I have come a long way with finding who I am, but I still have so so far to go. I'm much happier than I once was. But it's still a struggle.

For the most part, I get along with pretty much everyone. But here's the problem. I have never in my life felt like I 'fit' anywhere. I don't have best friends. Mostly what I have are acquaintances. People that I enjoy being around, and seem enjoy my company. But they are not people that seek me out for the extra little things. Granted, part of that is my own fault, as I don't ask people to join me in things. But that's only because of that little bitty hidden part of my personality that I'm pretty sure very few people even see in me. I am very self-conscious and typically assume that people are nice to me only because they have to be. So it sort of feeds itself. I drive myself crazy. It's a very lonely world when you feel as though people only pretend to like you. And really, how do you know for sure that someone does enjoy being around you?

And it's because of this issue about not fitting in that I have been contemplating leaving my position (well, 3 positions) with MOM. It would break my heart to do it, but I can't help but wonder if they wouldn't be glad to see me gone. I've thought about this for a long time, but I haven't been able to come up with a solution. I would really like to someday have a group of friends that I 'fit' with. Maybe someday.

So I wonder how everyone else defines "friend" I think I have a different definition than most people. I think what most people consider a best friend is what I think of as just a regular friend. I can only think of one person that I would consider a best friend. But a friend is someone you can talk to about pretty much everything. They know a lot about you, they put effort into the friendship, they read between the lines and notice when you're struggling. Things like that.

Ugh! I hate when the big "D" sneaks up on me. It's so hard to fight your way out of it. Even being aware of it doesn't help. Maybe it's the lack of sunshine.

Changing it up...

2010-01-07T19:45:00.000-08:00

Today I am NOT going to discuss boot camp (which kicked my ass on Monday) Nope. Today I'm going to branch back out into something that has nothing to do with fitness. The anticipation is giving you tingles, isn't it?

Now. Anyone have a topic? Oh, I guess I should have thought of that BEFORE I started this, eh? Oh well. We'll just improvise. I'm good at improv. But, my dear friends, are YOU?

So I guess this is going to be a 'freewrite' We used to do those in Soph English in HS. (WOW I'm lame) Basically a freewrite is, well, writing without rules. You're supposed to just write and if you get stuck you're supposed to write about being stuck until something pops into your head. You're also not supposed to use punctuation, but I just can't tolerate that, so I'm going to bend the rules a little. Hope you don't mind. And please, please, don't tell Mrs. B. Thanks.

I've been thinking about writing again lately. I've wanted to be a writer for a long time. So I thought to myself tonight that maybe I should write in my blog more. Maybe that will get the juices flowing. Maybe. It's not really working so far. hehehe Instead I'm just rambling away. I get the strangest urges to do things like writing sometimes. I don't know why. I'm not good at it. I get the urge to go take pictures, draw, cook a fancy meal, etc. It's very strange, and definitely sporadic. Maybe there's some creative part of me that's trying to break out. The walls are pretty thick though. LOL Seriously, I fail at ALL of these things. And all the others I try. Lame-o dudes. LAME-O.

Maybe I should just take classes in one of them? But that would mean picking something and sticking with it long enough to make it worthwhile. Yeah, that's not likely. Not likely at all. Sticking with something is something else I'm not so good at. =D

I better end it with that. I don't see this having a 'high' point to end on, so... *shrug*

Later, yo. Peace.

Confirmation

2009-12-17T20:34:00.001-08:00

Yes people. We now have confirmation that, under these layers upon layers of chunk, I do in fact have abdominal muscles. I was starting to think that with each pregnancy they just stretched and ultimately shredded, then dissolved. I was wrong. How do I know this? Because they scream bloody murder at me every time I move. Mostly I consider that a good thing. Re-introducing myself to my abs is good. Right?

Monday's boot camp was okay. Not super, but okay. My bandanna weighed it's usual 15lbs by the end (no glistening in my family, just good old-fashioned sweat) and the dips made my arms a little weak, but otherwise it was just "meh" to me.

Wednesday was a whole nuther ballgame though people. It kicked my arse properly. My legs aren't as sore as I thought they would be (those buttbuster things on the exercise ball... wowzah). But my abs... OOOOHHHHH my abs. We only did two ab exercises, as opposed to the eighty-thousand leg exercises. But the were certainly effective. I haven't done the whole yourpartnerpushesyourlegsdownandyoustopthemfromhittingthefloor thing since HS volleyball. I don't rememer it hurting this much back then. Hmm. I wonder why that is... ;) And the punching thing was good because you have to hold yourself up long enough to punch both sides. So overall, the best ab day yet. I was a little sore when I woke up today, but overall, not TOO bad.

And of course I went to Body Pump today. Because I'm smart like that. But seriously I love body pump. LOVE it. I like to lift weights. Besides a killer ab track that I'll talk about in a minute... during the tricep track we did pullovers. Which can be a great ab workout too! YIPPEE!!! On the first one, and I loaded up the bar thinking that I really wanted to get a killer ab workout (I *heart* pullovers), and I....... almost dropped the bar. Because my abs burned SO bad. HOLY mother. Oh my word. *insert appropriate swear words (is that an oxymoron?) here* And then, after the wimpering finally subsided, came the ab track at the end of the workout. We did some SSSLLLLLOOOOWWWWW bicycles. owowowowowowowow And then... it got better! We go to do something like what you do with an ab wheel, only we use the bar/weights to, yes, you guessed it... roll out then back in. It was super.

So I kind of took the rest of today off. There was one point this evening when someone needed something (it's hard to remember specifics when this is how you spend your time...) I was sitting (slouching) on the couch and, I kid you not, I almost didn't make it up. I had my arms OUT IN FRONT OF ME trying to will myself into a sitting position. I don't think I had that much trouble when I was 42 weeks preggo w/Isabel. My kids just kind of looked at me like I was some strange and unknown vegetable that had been plopped on their dinner plates.

Oh the joys of boot camp. But at least I have found my abdominals again after a long-estranged relationship. =)

Peace.

Total Disappointment

2009-12-08T19:23:00.001-08:00

I'm a little disappointed by Monday's BC. Parts of it really stunk while doing it. But I think that that was mostly because of the excessively dry air. But as soon as I was done, I wasn't really tired anymore. And today there's not a single part of me that is sore. So I'm kind of disappointed.

Okay. I'm disappointed that I'm not sore. Maybe I need a mental evaluation...? ;)

The whole kicking the wall thing was a pain in the arse. Seriously. But I'm not really feeling it today.
The ab part kicked my butt, so my abs should be screaming every time I move. But they're not.

Rats.

And I'm guessing that BC is canceled tomorrow. I can promise you that I'm not hauling my tushy anywhere.

Thank goodness for shoveling, right? At least it's a workout. And it's out in the fresh air. And I can throw snow on my kids. And bury them. And laugh a lot. I really hope Dave doesn't have to work tomorrow. If he's home, I can leave Alex home with him and take Isabel and Nate sledding. Now THAT is the best way to spend a snow day.

Peace.

Boot Camp

2009-12-02T12:25:00.001-08:00

My bloggy friends Jessica and Megan reminded me that I haven't blogged for quite some time. So maybe I'll post on my experiences during boot camp, too. Nothing like stealing an idea. ;) Though, to be honest, I feel like mine will be from a different angle than theirs.

A little back-story...
1. I actually LIKE to exercise. I am just having a hard time finding the time/motivation to get my fat ass moving.
2. Related to #1, I was actually certified as a personal trainer for a while. So I know a little sumthin sumthin about exercise.
3. As someone that was formerly somewhat athletic, being fat has probably been the most difficult thing I've ever dealt with.
4. I've been going to the Y semi-regularly for a couple of years now. Not that that has given me any sort of leg up with Boot Camp. I haven't actually gone regularly for about 6-9 mo. So I'm pretty out of shape.

So day #1 wasn't too bad. We did some basic fitness tests that we'll compare on the last day of boot camp. Hopefully we will all have improved. I opted to push myself pretty hard so that I have a better indication of whether I actually improved or not. We shall see. I'm not feeling overly optimistic at this point. I mean, seriously, my belly flops more than my 'girls'.

My upper body was semi-soreish on Tuesday. I have a love/hate relationship with that feeling. Love it because I know I actually USED my muscles. Hate it because it makes the most basic things, like scratching my back for crying out loud, burn like crazy.

Today's run was harder, I thought. All that blasted sprinting just about did me in. Cold weather+asthma+interval training= asthma attack. SUPER. But I wheezed my way along, secretly hoping the lead person would take pity on the rest of us and slow her ass down. And somehow I ended up with the leader chick right behind me. Greeaaaat. So when I'm in front, I can't slow it down to what can barely be called jogging. No. I have to keep freakin jogging for real. Awesome.

And then came the real joy of boot camp. I had kind of planned on the whole running thing. Otherwise, I wasn't really sure what to expect. The whole progressive thing bit. Totally. I hate pushups. Of course that was the thing we did the most of. Don't really like dips either. But I did them (not with my legs straight though. SHH! Don't tell Jessica. Please. I'm begging. Don't tell her.) But the one thing that I really truely loathe with all of my being is burpies. SER-I-OUS-LY. I can see no physical benifit to burpies. I hated them in Jr/Sr High when I was actually in awesome shape (and looked damn good, I might add) And I hate them even more now as a fatty. Do you know what a burpie is? Well, just in case, I should tell you. You really need a visual, though, to get the full effect.

How to do a burpie:
1. Jump in the air w/ your arms up.
2. Land.
3. Squat down.
4. Shoot your legs out behind you to a pushup position.
5. Bring your legs back in.
*repeat*

Now here's the thing. I can do 1-4 okay. Some people have issues with #2, but we don't judge at boot camp. ;) It's #5 where I run into problems. I feel like my 1yo when he's standing back up after falling down. I never seem to make it back into that proper squat position. Instead, my legs are apart and only somewhat bent. And my ass is sticking way up in the air. Awesome. Really really awesome. Can't wait to do it again.

And I have one more word for you: CHAFING. My fat thighs rub together so much that it's starting to hurt! Okay. TMI. But that's the fun of boot camp. =D

Starting weight for BC: 175. Yuck. Ick. Blech.
Time to bring that baby down a bit.

Peace.

Again...

2009-10-28T09:09:00.000-07:00

About a year and a half ago, my mother's brother took his own life. Yesterday, my dad's brother did the same.

I did not know either uncle well.

This uncle was a friend of mine on Facebook. However, I'm pretty sure that in the months of our 'friendship' there that I didn't even send him a note to say hi. How incredibly sad is that? I'm so very disappointed in myself for that. He suffered from a great depression (I guess we could say that's a given in this case) but I didn't take the time to let him know that I cared, even though I didn't really know much about him. And I can't go back and fix it.

The part that makes me angry with this is his wife. She has been intending to kick him out of the house (and not for the first time). She has sent emails to his siblings trying to find somewhere for him to go. He hasn't had a job for a few years. His wife apparently was constantly making fun of him for it. That's helpful. The last job he had... she made fun of it. I'm sure at some point he thought to himself that he should maybe seek help. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if the main reason he didn't was because SHE WOULD HAVE MADE FUN OF HIM for doing it.

Now, I'm not trying to say that all of the blame lays at her feet. Obviously it all really starts with him. Depression is just so hard to overcome, even more so when you don't have a solid support system. And let's face it. That's part of being married. I don't care if you aren't in love anymore or whatever. You still have an obligation and responsibility to be supportive. My dad kept in contact with him... calls, birthday cards, etc. It was very one-sided, but he still did it. But that's just not enough for someone so deep in depression.

I really would like to be like my dad in that way. To keep in touch, even if the other person doesn't really. It says a lot about him, I think. But that's just how my dad is. He has never, and I'm sure will never, held a grudge. He's friendly and respectful to everyone he meets. If they had lived closer, I'm sure my dad would have made every effort to include him in the things he was doing and just finding time to do things together. But when you're hundreds of miles apart, it's kind of tough.

*sigh*

I'm sorry, Uncle D. for not doing my part to let you know you had family to lean on. I will miss you.

This week...

2009-10-20T10:56:00.001-07:00

will be VERY interesting. I'm curious to see how it will end. The beginning... some good and some bad. So we will see.

Right now Nathan is snuggled up watching tv while I wait to see if his fever will spike again after the IB wears off. Alex has a low grade fever, too. But he's sleeping so I haven't had a chance to take his temp. again. Rats. Isabel seems fine so far. Though of course she has a 4 day weekend coming, so she has plenty of time to catch whatever the boys have. Super.

I'm being smart (well, compared to usual anyway) and I've started a log of their illnesses. If it gets worse, I'm happy that I'll be able to tell a nurse/dr. exactly what's been going on. Though seriously, getting a 4yo boy to answer questions is a little difficult. Here's our convo from earlier:

Me: "Are you hot?"
Nate: "Yeah. Just a little hot."
Me: "or are you cold?"
Nate: "I'm really cold."
Me: "Or are you just right?" (hopeful here)
Nate: "I'm hot. And a little cold."

Veeeeerrrry helpful. Sheesh. And I don't even know how to go about asking him if he's achy. He'll just say yes in some way, shape, or form no matter what the question is. Crazy kid.

But here's the good news of the week: I went for a run last night! I was out for about 20-25 min. and I ran the WHOLE TIME. I was very proud of that. I haven't run regularly since senior year of HS. I'm planning on going again tonight. And Thurs and Fri. Woot! Maybe even this weekend.

Sadly, though, I was supposed to go for 2 MNOs this week, and won't be going to either. That makes me sad. But that's life. The running more than makes up for it. =D

Coupons!

2009-10-12T09:52:00.001-07:00

So of course I have clipped coupons in the past. Who hasn't? It's so exciting to see the pile building and thinking about saving all that money just makes you feel good. But today was different. Today, my friends, I USED those coupons. I not only remembered to grab the stack, but I went through them to see which ones were relevant for this shopping trip, took them with me, and remembered to use them at checkout.

I know what you're thinking. But I have actually gone to the trouble of getting them to the store and completely forgot to use them. And most of the time I just plain forget to grab them in the first place. Plus, the whole situation intimidates me. I tend to be very self-conscious anyway, so when I'm trying something that I am not 100% positive on how to do it, I get a little freaked out. Even the little things like WHEN to hand the coupons to the cashier get me all flustered. (seriously, this is how I am with everything) Plus, I'm just a very forgetful person.

So this was a very big deal for me today. Conquering fears, big or little, and bad habits like forgetting things, are such great things. It doesn't happen often, but I will take any little victory I can get. =)

Yay me.

Long Day

2009-10-10T21:04:00.000-07:00

What a looooooong day people. Seriously. The end was especially fun.

Nate wet his pants. Great. He was in the bathroom, just didn't make it the rest of the way I guess. *rolling eyes* He did that a couple days ago, too. So now I'm on to having to give him a consequence the next time. A big one. (Nate also spent the entire morning having breakdowns any time he didn't like what he heard. We almost didn't get to go somewhere fun this evening, but the afternoon was a bit better. A bit.)

But wait. It gets better.

As I was putting Alex in the bath, and settling down on the very comfy floor to read my book (yes, I'm that bad of a mother. I read while my not-yet-1yo takes a bath. So shoot me.) Anyway, as I sit down I notice something on the cabinet next to the toilet. Hmm. That looks an awful lot like marker. On the wood is a picture of a very fancy halloween pumpkin. Directly above the picture, on the edge of the counter top is "by Isabel." The only silver lining I can see is that at least THAT part will come off.

I

Was (and still am)

LIVID

I sent her to sit on the couch until I cooled off enough to speak to her. While I did so, I did my usual inventory of what her favorite things are. A very essential piece of information when it comes to giving a child a consequence, I might add. *if you really want to throw them off, ask them nicely in the middle of a 'bad choices' conversation what their favorite things are. it's fun.* The only toy out in their room at that time was her barbies. JACKPOT!

My words to her exactly: "Isabel, come here please." *shuffle shuffle* "I want you to go to your room, pack up your barbies, put them in my room then go sit back on the couch." *insert tears streaming down cheeks here* But she did it.

I should NOT have to remind my 6yo that the ONLY thing we write/color on is paper. Really. I shouldn't have to. *sigh* I also shouldn't have to remind my 4yo to hold it until his pants are down and the lid is up. *bleepity bleep bleep bleep*

Now, when is SNL going to realize that kenan thompson is NOT funny and plays every character in the exact same way?

Traits I have passed on...

2009-10-10T12:29:00.000-07:00

I can't help but notice the traits that I have unknowingly passed on to my children. With some of them, I can't help but wonder why God would decide these traits are worth passing on, but I'm sure He has his reasons... ;)

Isabel has inherited my ability to completely ignore the world around her. She can walk around completely unconcerned with what people might be thinking, lost in her own super-fun world made up of only things that make her happy and content. I was exactly like that as a child (okay, so maybe I am still a little oblivious to the world around me) ***Funny story: When I was about Isabel's age, I went running into our house crying because everyone had gone inside without me. I had been out there, by myself in my own little world, for more than an hour after the others left. That explains a lot, doesn't it?*** She has a very goofy sense of humor, that quite often only she understands. Oh, and have I mentioned her very short temper? Though I'm sure that one comes from Dave... right?

Nathan is umm, well... competitive, though that doesn't quite cover it. I am veeeeeery competitive. VERY. And we both love all sports. Fortunatly, Nathan is even more athletically inclined than I ever was, and I did okay. I mean, I did get a few offers to play softball in college.

And poor Alex inherited my laziness. Seriously. Granted we ARE both 3rd children, which does explain some of it. But we were playing the "so big" game. He loves it, as most kids do. But he's so lazy he does it with one hand. *rolling eyes* Seriously. And he has only in the last couple of weeks (he's almost one people) been able to drink out of a sippy cup on his own. He wouldn't even pick it up for the longest time, and then when he did he wouldn't tip it. Isabel could drink out of one on her own when she was like 6 mo. at the LATEST. Lazy dude. Lazy. I am curious to see what else he has inherited from me, though it may be a while.

Sadly, not one of them has inherited my left-handedness. I had hopes for Alex, but they're getting squashed more by the day. *sigh*

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-07T15:12:00.001-07:00

Yay!

2009-10-06T12:17:00.000-07:00

I have my computer back! Woot woot!!! I just can't seem to stay on top of things when Dave takes my computer. And this time it was for 5 full days, leading into a weekend, when I don't really use it anyway. So it really threw me off dudes. So it feels very happy to have it back. =)

So let's see. What did we do while he was gone? A whole lotta nuthin. ;) We had dinner our friend's house. That was fun. I got to coach soccer Sat. morning. That was an experience. I get to do it again this weekend, and I'm pretty excited. Though hopefully my foot will be feeling better by then. (I hurt it TWO weeks ago and it isn't the slightest bit better. Yuck!)

Oh, and later on Sat. I decided to hit the 6 hour sale at hyvee. Yeah. With three kids. OH. MY. WORD. Never again, my friends. Never again. They behaved extremely well, though. I don't think I had any threats to hand out. And while I was happy to get a gallon of milk for $.99, it was sooooooo not worth it! There's really no experience like stalking a fellow shopper out to their vehicle in the hopes that you can relieve them of their cart. But we lived through it. And I remembered just about everything that was and was not on our list! Sweet.

Now on to choosing a heating company to replace our furnace. Super. I just love spending boatloads of money that I'm pretty sure we don't have. Very fun. But alas, we cannot be blowing CO2 into our house, so it must be done. Yippee! It's extra fun when one of the companies refuses to talk to me because I'm the 'little woman' Yup. They've been calling Dave at work to talk to him, which he doesn't have time for. Seriously people. I promise that I have a head attatched about a foot above my boobs. Pinky promise.

Apples!

2009-09-18T12:27:00.000-07:00

The boys and I went apple picking today with some friends. It was soooo much fun!!! Very hot, though, wearing Alex. Though to be honest, I'd rather be hot with him in my moby than pushing a stroller on those hill! Man those ladies got a good butt workout in! ;) Nate was so cute inspecting each apple. And of course he placed them gently in the bag. My 4yo son would NEVER drop an apple to the bag. Of course not. *rolling my eyes* It reminds me of dying eggs for Easter when the kids hold the eggs up above the dye and drop them in instead of using the little dipper things. Makes me giggle.

Oh, and the girls that were there... hilarious!!! At the play area there is a little play house and a tire tunnel. Of course the boys were in the house and the girls military-crawled their way into the tire tunnel. They were covered in dirt. That's when baby wipes really come in handy. Man did those ladies go through a lot of baby wipes trying to get their girls clean. Not me, though. My 4yo son was more than content to play with the other boys in the playhouse. =D

Okay, so now we have all these apples. Great. What the heck do I do with them now? Maybe I'll earn some swagbucks searching google for apple recipes. SWEET! Rock on, dudes. Rock on.

Productiveness =)

2009-09-05T12:14:00.000-07:00

I love it when I find the motivation to actually get things done. It feels so good! This morning I helped Isabel ride her bike without training wheels. That went awesomely well! I was running next to her on the FIRST try! Sweet. Still a little wobbly, especially on turns, but overall, SO SO SO good! And then I cleaned out the garage. We'll see how long that lasts. We are a couple of very lazy people. (working on that, though!) But for the time being, we can park both cars in the garage without knocking anything over. Swept it out, too. Killed me some crickets. And spiders. Yuck.

Now to help the kids clean their room. FUN times. Ugh. As long as they keep the whining to a minimum, it's all good. *sigh*

Peace, yo.

Planner

2009-09-04T09:27:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you all, but I can never find a planner that suits me and my needs. It drives me crazy! So... I think I might try to create one. I have NO idea how to go about that, but I just might give it a shot. Who knows... maybe this will make me my fortune. ;) I'm actually kind of excited at the idea of creating something like that. We'll see how it goes. It can't be any worse than what is out there, right?

Peace.

Awesomeness

2009-06-12T11:55:00.000-07:00

Today has been great! We went to the park (though not for long with all the rain) and then off to the bookstore. We were in the bookstore for almost an hour! And the kids were so so so good. They didn't whine. They didn't touch (much) everything they saw. They looked at a few things, especially in the kid section, but there's nothing wrong with that. They were quiet. They stayed with me. They didn't fight with each other. Oh my word it was wonderful. Granted we only found 1 of the 3 or 4 things I was looking for, but WHO CARES?!?! Love it dudes. Love it.

I've been trying to come up with more things for the kids, Isabel in particular, to do. I found her a kid's sudoku book, which she just loves. And I'm going to pick up some workbooks. She definitely needs more stimulation. And we have a deal that if their room is clean, we can do a craft every afternoon. Don't know what all we'll do, but we'll come up with something. But they're getting along better, and I'm trying to make sure I enjoy that time with them. It's so much harder than it sounds! But all I can do is work on it, right? Right.

Peace.

Ending the Day

2009-06-09T20:28:00.000-07:00

The second half of today went so much better. The kids actually cleaned their room. I asked the kids to help with supper. Usually they ask and I say no, so this was a wonderful change! We had so much fun, even though it only took like 10 min. We laughed and had a good time basically the rest of the evening. Isabel and I even did some stretches before bed. She wants to take a dance class this fall, and she certainly got her flexibility from Dave, not me. lol Poor kid can't even touch her toes.

Rage

2009-06-09T14:03:00.000-07:00

Two days in a row now Isabel has had one of her rages. I used to refer to them as breakdowns, but today it occurred to me that she's raging, not just emotional. She bites, hits, scratches, kicks, punches... you name it. And always over something minute. It's so hard to deal with. It's so hard to stay calm and wait it out. But I have to physically restrain her until she wears herself down. I try to keep myself calm, and keep my touch as light as possible, but it's SO hard. I just don't know what to do with this girl. Most of the time, she is so wonderful. I don't get it! I used to yell at her a lot more, and she got more spankings than she certainly ever deserved, so I can't help but know that I have at least contributed to this, if not caused it. Whether through genetics or example, she gets it from me. And I have to live with that. I've gotten much much much better at controlling my temper, but she's just a little girl. I don't know how to now teach her to get control back when she's losing it. I'm considering taking her to a specialist maybe. Just a thought I had today if it doesn't get better. I don't think she's ever done it two days in a row. Yesterday the tirade lasted for a good 45 min. Today was only about 20. *sigh* But now she's happy as a clam. So no permanent damage done.

I don't know what I did to deserve these kids. I've definitely been harder on Isabel than on the others. I'm trying to fix that, but it's really hard. I wonder if all she's going to remember of me when she gets older is me yelling or telling her to clean. I'm trying to remember the fun. Trying to remember to have fun things for them to do. I stink at this game.

Peace.

Laughter

2009-06-08T06:22:00.000-07:00

Dave and I have occasional night when we just crack each other up. It's always when we're getting ready for bed, and we should be 'keeping it down.' Lately it's been happening more often. I love it! It's so fun to laugh with my husband about silly things. It's such good proof that we are great friends, and just good together in every way. I love a good laugh anyway, and laughing with him is the best kind of laughing. Once you get me started though... it's hard to make me stop. =D

What started us off last night? I have cleaned out our bedroom of all the junk (mostly toys the kids have brought in) and last night I commented on how much bigger our room looks when it's clean. Dave's response: You could break dance in here. HAHAHAHAHA Cracked me up. Lame-o dudes, but so funny at the time. Gosh I love that man!

I'm BACK!

2009-06-06T14:21:00.000-07:00

I'm back, and not just back in the blogging sense. I feel like I'm hitting my stride again. I don't know what's been with me the last few months, but it hasn't been good. After Alex was born, life didn't really change much. But somewhere in Jan/Feb, I started floundering. Big time. I have been forgetful, extra lazy (which is saying something) and my depression started creeping back in on me. Yes. I said it. Depression. Me. Yup, you read correctly. But as I've been fighting it back, it's only been the last week or two that I've started winning the battle again.

My house is actually clean. Most of the time even. Well, the basics are done, but I've been hitting the extras, like clutter and all that stuff that builds up, and it's all slowly shaping up. It feels so good. I like when I'm productive. I like ME a lot more when I'm productive. And that makes a world of difference.

I went for my very first outside, no-treadmill-in-sight, run the other day, too. It felt so so so good. I probably only did a little more than a mile, but it's a pretty good start, I'd say. And I was so crabby before I left, and afterward I was in a much better mood. Everybody wins! Now if I could just find a way to eat less, maybe I would start to like what I see in the mirror. *ugh* Though I really love my new snazzy haircut. Little things like that go a long way in making this crazy lady feel better.

So, here's to being more productive, feeling better, and just living life.

And thanks to Karissa for reminding me that I need to get back to this journal/blog thingy. I've been meaning to, but she's the reason I'm actually doing.

Headlines

2009-03-23T20:43:00.000-07:00

I can't help it. I LOVE Headlines on Leno. If I stay up late enough to watch his semi-lame stand-up on Monday nights, you can bet I'll stay up for Headlines. It's so good. I secretly hope they will keep it when Conan takes over (heaven help us).

That's all I have for tonight. Peace, yo.

Co-Sleeping

2009-03-19T20:47:00.000-07:00

No, I haven't gone crazy and decided to co-sleep with one of the chillin's. Not that I'm against other people doing it, I just don't like that much closeness when I'm sleeping. By co-sleeping, I mean Isabel and Nathan. I've kind of been hoping this would happen. That's right. Nathan is zonked out in Isabel's bed. Up on the top bunk of their bunk beds. It's so stinkin' cute. It looks like they did battle up there before they fell asleep, so I guess they earned a little rest. They're so funny.

I must say, though, that it's a REALLY good thing that they don't ever have to get up in the middle of the night to pee. All I have to worry about is Nathan waking up screaming in the middle of the night. Hopefully she won't wet the bed if he does. ;)

God bless my children. They rock.

Peace.

It's been a while...

2009-02-26T20:13:00.000-08:00

I haven't taken as much time to do this as I thought I would. That's sad, isn't it?

I've been thinking a lot about how much I've changed the last few years. Kids make a huge difference. Or they should, anyway, right? I lost so many friends when I was pregnant the first time. I had no idea what I was doing. I had no business being a mom. But it turns out that it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I'm still a lazy bum, but I'm not nearly as lazy as I once was. That counts for something, I think. We should always try to improve.

I wonder how many things I've dealt with that other moms wonder about. It's so hard, since when you start to figure things out the kids change and it's a whole new ball game. I wonder what other moms can teach me. My own mom has taught me a lot, so I wonder what other moms' moms can tell me. It's interesting to think about.

That was very very random. Later, yo. Peace.

A Return to the World of Normalcy

2008-12-31T10:16:00.000-08:00

The holidays are over!!! Thank heavens. Though I guess there's still the whole New Year's celebration thing, but we're not really doing any celebrating, so that doesn't count. I have my house back. I can put things back where they belong. I can sit on my arse and not feel the need to wait on anyone. Though my house is a total mess, and something needs to be done about that. Ugh.

Now how about some resolutions, eh? Maybe by putting them into print, I'll be more likely to stick to them. First, I want to organize our pictures, and keep them organized. And really, I just want to organize life in general. I find myself much more stressed out if the house is a mess. I can't do anything with any amount of efficiency if things are messy. I don't know when I came to need order, but that seems to be the case. It's a good thing. But it's a lot of work, too, since I'm so amazingly lazy by nature. I also want to work on my mental state, gain some self-confidence, etc. Oh, and I'd really like to lose some weight, which would come back to the whole self-confidence thing again. We'll see what happens, I guess. Rock on, baby.

End skit.

Enter Beek to the World of Blog

2008-12-07T19:59:00.000-08:00

Well, here I am. Writing an official blog. I wonder what will become of this blog of mine. I've never been good at journal writing, so we'll see if I stick with it. I'm really hoping it's as therapeutic as they say it is. Considering how kookoo I've been lately, I suppose some therapy is in order. ;)

Polyanna is on TV right now. Lately I feel like I'm WAY too negative, so I'm glad it's on. It's a good reminder that there is always something to be happy about. Maybe we should all play "The Glad Game" more often. But as I'm watching, I can't help but wonder why no one cared about her accent. Seriously, that so wouldn't fly these days in a movie. One British accent amid all the all-American voices. Cracks me up. Oh, and seriously, why did they have her sing so often? Not exactly a nightengale, if you know what I mean? lol And look how quickly I'm back in my negative attitude.